Losing my wife to cancer has undoubtedly been one of the most challenging experiences of my life it affected both of us physically and mentally. I have posted my experience in the hope it will help me heal. It may also give strength to someone else going through some life-changing event. “Remember, there is always someone who will listen I had my sister!” (Many thanks big sister).
My thoughts are still dark, but as the weeks, months, and years pass, I know the light will shine bright once again. To help us along the way, we need to remember a saying my wife would say in times of need: “It is what it is, we’ll deal with it.” This simple phrase reminded me to focus on the present moment, rather than going down an endless road of what could have been or might be. And as I reflect on her life and legacy, I’m reminded that even though she’s no longer with us physically, her spirit of resilience and determination continues to inspire us every day.
A Journey Through Loss and Memory
I have been deeply affected by my wife’s illness and subsequent passing. Physically, I have been drained both emotionally and physically from attending her 7 hour daily chemotherapy sessions, providing her with constant support, and dealing with the stress of managing our daily lives during this difficult time.
I have also had to face the physical exhaustion of caring for her during her final days at the hospital when she was in excruciating pain. I have also experienced physical symptoms of stress such as headaches, difficulty sleeping, and loss of weight and appetite. Most of all the guilt for not bringing her home when she asked me.
Mentally, I have had to cope with an overwhelming array of emotions as I witnessed my wife battle cancer. I have felt helplessness as I watched her suffer through the months of chemotherapy treatments, fear as we received the news of her condition worsening despite the successful chemotherapy, grief as she passed away on January 24th, 2024, and sadness as I continue to navigate life without her by my side.
I’m also experiencing feelings of guilt for not being able to protect her from her illness and anger towards the cancer that took her away from us so suddenly.
My wife was in serious pain when she past-away. I was aware that while she was in pain and close to death she was also having to accept losing her family. It hurt us then and it will always hurt. My wife is the heart of our family deeply loved she took part of me with her and I gave it gladly.
A Life Cut Short, but Never Forgotten
Losing my wife to cancer has been one of the most challenging experiences of our lives, but it has also made us stronger and more compassionate. I myself will always remember the years we had together and the memories we created during our journey.
I will continue to honor her wishes by supporting our son and daughter as they cope with their grief and by celebrating her life in our way. Remembering her the way I know she would want us to.
I realize it will take time to heal from this loss, but I am committed to facing this challenge head-on with courage and resilience and happily remembering our life together over our 49 years together. “It was not long enough.”
As I reflect on the pain of guilt that lingers within me, I pray for it to ease over the weeks, months, and years ahead. My heart still aches with regret, knowing that my wife was too ill to come home when she asked this final favor of me. It’s a painful for life reminder that I couldn’t fulfill her last request.
“Forgive me Brenda. I love you sweetheart death can never change that. Our love was and will always be forever and a day” (Paulxx).